4/25/2002

Bible Contents

Filed under:General — eric @ 11:06 am

Items found inside a nice discarded Bible discovered while cleaning trash on our property:

  • A letter from a relative turning down a request for money and explaining why other family members would burn in hell
  • A full page ad from a Penthouse magazine for the Pam and Tommy video
  • A full page ad from a Mopar Action magazine for checks with classic cars on them
  • A full page ad from a Penthouse magazine for an herbal supplement that boosts male performance
  • A magazine ad for the Jerry Springer “Too Hot for TV!” video
  • A scrap of paper on which is written “Creed Dont sittle no skor”
  • A full page ad from Penthouse magazine for penile enlargement surgery
  • A scrap of paper with information about an order from Eastbay, a sporting goods company
  • A scrap of paper with citations for eight bible passages
  • A photo of a truck in front of a mobile home
  • A photo of a tractor
  • A photo of a station wagon
  • An envelope with citations for four bible passages and the note “God gave “Adam” charge over creation and his wife Eve. So when Eve was deceived who did the God call to in verse 9 of chapter 3?”
  • A piece of paper on which is written “If you wen’t camp and you woke up with a ruber hanging from your ass would you tell iney bity.”

5 Comments »

  1. Could you send the penis enlargement ads to me? I am feeling a bit flaccid today. ;p

    Comment by satan — 4/25/2002 @ 6:30 am

  2. Yep thats a good ol’ family bible. after 3.6 years south of the mason/dixon line. I’m a bit itchy with y’all come in these parts.

    Comment by crash — 4/25/2002 @ 11:03 am

  3. This after I spent some time yesterday defending the people and the land I would be driving through this weekend when co-workers told me to watch out for hillbillies and small southern towns…maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to defend…

    Comment by M — 4/25/2002 @ 11:36 am

  4. Well, I was going to save this particular stanza for some sorta “I look like Jesus, and I’m coming to Georgia” joke, but it seems too appropriate for the current forum to pass up.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: somewhere in woods of Georgia
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as cheap porn,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Reel shadows of the indignant forest birds.
    The darkness drops again; but now I know
    That twenty centuries of southern sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by an ill-read Bible,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches toward Royston to be born?

    Comment by Jason — 4/26/2002 @ 12:45 pm

  5. So THAT’S where I left Mom’s bible!

    Comment by Steve — 4/29/2002 @ 10:26 am

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