So yeah, I’m doing the sumo thing. It has helped me fulfill my lifelong goal of weighing over 300 kilograms, and has made me surprisingly attractive to Japanese supermodels. Plus, I get to push other big guys around a lot, so that’s fun too. In addition, it keeps me in peak form for the annual Xmas Xtreme Tannenbaum Spankdown with Santa Claus. He’s gettin’ his ass Oshi-Dashi’d this year for sure!

Although the rest of this will sound like a continuation of the above levity, actually it isn’t: I have become a sumo wrestling fan. I kid you not — this sport totally rocks. Two huge nearly-naked fellers get up on a clay stage, throw a bit of salt around, and then try to kill each other barehanded. It’s absolutely fantastic. I recommend it highly to anyone with an interest in either Japanese culture or Theater of the Absurd.

It is from this fascination that the webpage Eric found derives — a heavily photoshopped picture of me leaning on a huge kesho-mawashi, claiming to be a wrestler named “Spondinoumi”. [For the trivia-interested, in the original photo, I was leaning on the lip of a lava crack out at Valley of Fire, near beautiful Carizozo NM.] It’s part of an online sumo-based game called “Bench Sumo” in which players compete against one another in predicting the results of various matches from the hon-bashos.

I think it would be fun if some of YOU started playing sumo games, too.

As for the party, I am currently researching my availablility. This research involves doing my taxes, and thereby learning whether I can afford to a) feed myself, b) feed my wife, c) visit the farm in Georgia. If the answer to any of those questions is “yes”, then I’ll be seeing many of you at Eric’s house on the 27th. Bring your kesho-mawashi.

On a related note, I’d like to take this moment to give a shout out to my man Musashimaru, the highest ranked active sumo wrestler, and one of only two Americans competing in the Nihon Sumo Kyokai. He won the recent March Hon-Basho in Osaka with an impressive 13-2 record. Huzzah!

By the by, you can’t truly appreciate sumo until you watch Scott Madison make it to the finals of a rather large sumo tournament. *That* was impressive.